Name the Lies You Tell Yourself and Change Your Year

January 8, 2020

 

Have you ever come across one of those frustratingly simple questions that changes your outlook on LITERALLY everything?

If you haven’t, I’ll give you one today.

You see, I used to have weekly life coaching sessions with Diana Kerr. To this day, it was one of the most influential 30 minutes a week I’ve ever spent in my life. I still remember one day we were chatting, and I said something rather dramatic (I don’t remember what it was!) and she said back to me, “Okay, but is that actually true?”

It took me a second to recover from the REALITY SLAP that is so typical Diana, but that little teeny question was a result of what we uncovered on our journey together.

I tend to view things in all or nothing, either/or, you either ARE OBSESSED with Gilmore Girls or you are ignorant and don’t know good TV. Ya know?

All jokes aside, that question changed my life two years ago, and it continues to change it daily.

In fact, last February, I caught myself saying something I wasn’t proud of. We were in the middle of a move, finishing a renovation on our current house, packing, and closing on a new house in a new state.

As I scrolled Instagram, I audibly said, “Ugh, I just can’t compete with that right now.”

WOAH, I thought. Then, I turned to my tried and true (and, honestly, a little dusty) question filter:

Is that true?

But this time, the lie was layered. It wasn’t just something I could say “yes” or “no” to. The truth was NO. I couldn’t compete with that. But the deeper truth was, why did I fall into competing in the first place? Is it my job to compete, or is it my job to complete my own mission in this world?


That one ugly statement I caught myself saying led to peeling back so many layers of fractured mindset when it came to my business and where I belong in the world.

I made a promise to myself to only speak truth, and to listen for the lies I told myself on a daily basis.

I think this promise – if you make it to yourself, too – could change your life and your business this year.

So, today I want to unpack some of the lies I’ve heard in my own head, and some that I’ve heard from other honestly amazing female business owners over coffee, conversation, and mindset ruts we have in common.


6 Lies that Plague your Mindset and Stunt your Growth

I’m competent enough to be successful, but not that successful.

OR – I’m not made to have a huge impact.

This is a tough one for me. I have no problem taking action, getting things done, and seeing results. But, this year was the first time I realized that I have inherently built some ceilings above me. I can make money, but not that much. I can serve clients, but I have no business serving THOSE clients. I can be successful, but not as successful as she is.

I think this comes from believing the lie that there are a set of steps that get each person to success. They’re the same, and if I’m missing one of the components, or if my path didn’t lead me in the same direction, that destination can’t be mine.

Truth: Success isn’t a single destination with a maximum capacity. God doesn’t run out of abundance to grant his children. Abundance and success are mine to be had today just as much as everyday I run after my dreams, not just when I finally reach them.

Let’s dream bigger than we think possible, deal?

Because…

Now to him who is able to do far more abundantly than all that we ask or think, according to the power at work within us, to him be glory in the church and in Christ Jesus throughout all generations, forever and ever. Amen.
-Ephesians 3:20-21

If I (take a break, take a misstep, say no this this one client, etc.), I’ll lose everything I’ve worked for.

Alright, friend. REAL talk. Is it really yours to lose?

If you’re believing the lie that your business, your success, your money, your authority belongs completely to you, you’re not thinking big enough.

Your business is about more than what you can hold tightly in your hands. You’re inspiring transformation, helping countless people, changing lives. Is that something you can contain in your little human grasp? I don’t think so.

Truth: This business is not mine, it’s God’s. I get to work it, bring it to life, and experience the magic that happens daily when I entrust it to him. But, remember, you can’t lose anything that was never yours in the first place.

Also, truth: Will you really lose everything you’ve worked for if you _______? What exactly are you working for? Check your need for outside validation. (I have to do this daily.)

Remember…

“No one can make you feel inferior without your consent.” – Eleanor Roosvelt

And, no one can take what you’ve built if you’re building on solid and intentional ground.

I don’t know how long this business will last.

Have you ever struggled with this fear, as an online business owner? I get it. Truly. Our businesses didn’t really exist 10, 15, 20 years ago. Who’s to say they’ll still be relevant in 10, 15, 20 years?

This is a result of believing the lie of scarcity: There’s only so much to go around. It also stems from our natural tendency to sabotage. If you’ve never read The Big Leap,(I’ve never wanted to punch a book so much in my life), it takes readers through the inherent phenomenon of self-sabotage.

I’m sure you’ve felt it:

You book your biggest client!! You’re so dang pumped! You think, I am SUCH a boss. This is WORKING.

Then, right after your sigh of relief, you feel your breath catch in your throat.

Can I serve them well? Am I qualified for this? This won’t last. I’ll never get a client this big again. OH MY LAWD, WHAT DID I JUST DO?


Truth: You have the ability to adapt, change, and learn. And, you always do. The entire fabric of a market doesn’t change overnight. Your business may not look exactly like it does today, forever. BUT, if you want it to last, it will.

I must be on the wrong path.

Truth: You’re not. 

They’ll hate me if…

Truth: Will they really? Do they have that much time to spend thinking about you?

If I turn down this opportunity, I’ll never be able to find one like it again.

Again, with the scarcity mindset. Opportunity is all around us. It doesn’t poof into thin air when you say “no” to something. It doesn’t melt like snow into the ground or literally vanish like Cheez-Its or Thin Mints. Plus, Girl Scout Season always comes back around.

And, on that note, another personal rule I’ve adopted into the fabric of my being so much so, it became a company value for Jess, XO.

Speak the truth you see in others.

I admire my friends on the daily. I see people doing things that are amazing, and so often I just think that sweet thought and go on about my merry day. 

I’ve been on the receiving end of my sweet friends and family speaking the truth and magic they see in me, and it gets me every time. I think, “They didn’t have to say that out loud, but I’m so glad they did.”

So, when you see something beautiful in someone, speak it. Let them feel your appreciation of their unique and authentic selves manifesting in everyday life.

You’d be surprised how much it can change a day – or even a life.


Which of these lies feels most like what you’ve told yourself recently? Which truth resonates the most for you?

Let me know in the comments, or tag me on Instagram (@jessjordana) so we can carry on the convo!

 

 

I’m Jess,

iced-coffee-obsessed, saved-by-grace, allergic-to-small talk, and one of the biggest dreamers you’ll ever meet.


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  1. Jordan Jones says:

    Jess, this was so encouraging! Thank you!! What a great reminder that our businesses aren’t ours, they’re God’s. It’s just up to us to steward the talents, experiences, dreams, and resources He’s given us!

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